Youth Baseball Controversy All Over the America!

Earlier today, Dayn Perry, doing his best work, provided a timely and emotionally charged update on the Big New Bedford Youth Baseball Controversy.

While itself the very apotheosis of youth baseball controversies, the Big New Bedford Youth Baseball Controversy is not the only example of the genre.

In fact, the Internetting Gentleman, were he so inclined, could find himself googling the terms little, league, and controversy — and then, immediately after that, find himself becoming an expert on no fewer than five other youth baseball controversies.

These ones, to be specific:

Bountiful (UT) Little League, 2006
A coach orders an intentional walk of an opponent’s best hitter, in order to face Romney Oaks, a cancer survivor who “needs a shunt in his brain just to live.” Oaks strikes out.

Yuma (AZ) Little League, 2010
Opening Day of the league’s second year is moved from Joe Henry Park to Yuma Catholic after parents express concern over the “type of group” a nearby event sponsored by the La Raza Car and Bike Club might attract.

Baldwin (NY) Little League, 2011
According to Kathleen A. Scanlon-Desio, last Tuesday’s game was marred by a group of parents cursing and shouting through the game — and one of them is a teacher at St. Christopher!

Folsom (CA) American Little League, 2011
After the conclusion of a game that has seen the Rangers beat the Angels, the two teams, as is customary, form lines to shake hands — during which, the Rangers coach tells the Angels’ losing pitcher (13-year-old Will Schmidt), “Way to go pitching two grand slams.”

Leominster (MA) American Little League, 2012
Mayor Dean Mazzarella tears down an outfield fence belonging to the league — and which, per an earlier arrangement, stands on his property — in order to build a home for his married daughter. Also on Mazzarella’s land is a 20-foot by 8-foot electric scoreboard dedicated to Jonathan Roberge, who was killed in combat Feb. 9, 2009. Mazzarella, who apparently is unable to get homeowners’ insurance with the scoreboard on his lot, denies telling the league to tear it (i.e. the scoreboard) down, asking instead to slide the sign from its position just over the right-centerfield fence to left-center to get it off his property. All of these people live in Leominster, Mass.




Print This Post

Carson Cistulli has just published a book of aphorisms called Spirited Ejaculations of a New Enthusiast.


Sort by:   newest | oldest | most voted
tylersnotes
Member
4 years 3 months ago

Brian Sabean has indicated that they like Romney Oaks’ drive; feel he has the make-up of a true major leaguer and are considering him at 1b in a platoon against RHP

Kyle
Member
4 years 3 months ago

So far, everything on this internet webpage involving Romney Oaks has been effing hilarious.

hscer
Member
4 years 3 months ago

Obvious conclusion: We must ban little league baseball, as people involved might get offended.

Illinois glass M. Michael Sheets
Guest
Illinois glass M. Michael Sheets
4 years 3 months ago

Regarding the Bountiful link, who is Farr, is he some type of major league coach? I am also confused as to whether Romney Oaks is a little league player or not, and if he is which team does he play for? The link is not clear.

rambodiaz
Guest
rambodiaz
4 years 3 months ago

Bud Selig will be forming a special committee to study this very soon, just as soon as the potential members finish their task of figuring out where to move Oakland.

SAmmy
Guest
SAmmy
4 years 3 months ago

These are real? For real? I guess it would have taken an impossibly good writer to make this up. The problem is, may in fact, be an impossibly good writer.

SAmmy
Guest
SAmmy
4 years 3 months ago

For real, Carson, I just read some common weaknesses on the subway here. You’ve cornered the market on life insurance, I don’t know what to do.

Choo
Member
4 years 3 months ago

When you protect your best hitter with Romney Oaks, you get what you deserve.

wpDiscuz