The men should have to come to scratch. Standing on a line and going blow for blow bare knuckes makes MMA look like a ballet.
Participants would be allowed up to the LD/50 of their height and weight of the following substances: Cocaine, Ether, Laudanum, Whiskey, Willow Bark, Pine Tar and Grog (the gatorade of the day).
A cast of characters, ready to defend their wager by entering the fight would include: Jiggs Parrott, Home Run Baker, Matt Stairs, Boog Powell, Mike Fetters, Dick Allen, Steve Howe, Kyle Farnsworth, Carl Everett, Pete Browning, Dave Parker, Billy Martin, Wade Boggs, Rube Waddell, and Terry Larkin.
Jim Joyce, looking like a member of President Garfield's cabinet, would make for a fine referee.
Trick McSorely would make a fine undercard. Standing 5'4", 142 pounds and owning a .233 career average, McSorely is the essence of the Notre Dame Fighting Irish's 19th century Fighting Irishman. He would be paired against Ray Oyler. Whomever finished the booze first would liely be the first to perish of ether.
Charley Sweeney would make an entrance at some point to heckle Old Hoss, dropped in a challenge duel for the undercard in the 63rd round, with their respective harem's as a wager.
The champion would also recieve a share of the loot of Ed Delahanty's most recent train robbery.
For the pregame festivities, attendees would have an Eddie Gaedel and David Eckstein tossing contest, allong with traditional other feats of strength such as keg toss and mustache waxing.
Bob Uecker would announce the fight with partner Mel Allen.
Abner Doubleday would be there to claim he invented boxing.