Dan Szymborski FanGraphs Chat – 7/9/18

2:00
Dan Szymborski: Welcome to this very special episode of the Dan Szymborski chat!

2:00
Dan Szymborski: I want to talk about teen smoking.  If a bigger, stronger boy is making you smoke, you should say “No!  Smokers are jokers!” And then push him down the steps.

2:01
Dan Szymborski: I do have an announcement to make.  At the END of the chat.  And I promise you, unlike a certain children’s book THAT PROMISED A FRIGGING MONSTER, it won’t just be fricking Grover.

2:01
Dan Szymborski: I don’t promise that it won’t be disappointing.  Incoherently promise, incoherently deliver, I always say.

2:01
Greg: A question I never imagined even considering — Does Nick Markakis deserve a qualifying offer? Would he accept it?

2:02
Dan Szymborski: It’s a lot to pay for one year of Markakis.  I remain unconvinced that this is a good idea, but he *has* had a valuable season, the bes tof his career, at least offensively.

2:02
Dan Szymborski: We may have more clarity in October.

2:03
Dan Szymborski: If he’s *still* hitting like he has and ends up with a five-WAR season, I’m not sure you *can’t* not give him a QO.  A year deal really is nothing and the Braves have room.

2:03
CamdenWarehouse: Dan, I can’t chat today because meetings. If this is going to be the last Dan chat, I’m going to be sad. It’s always one of the best parts of the week.

2:03
Josh: Ignoring Money (tough to do, I know).. Harper or Machado for the next 8 years. Who would you take? And has the first 1/2 of 2018 had any tangible impact on this choice?

2:04
Dan Szymborski: Machado.  ZiPS actually projected Machado as slightly more valuable long-term than Harper coming *into* the season and I’m pretty sure if that’s what one believed then, this year certainly isjn’t changing it

2:04
CamdenWarehouse: and next time you’re in North Baltco, hit me up. I’ll buy you a beer at the Corner Stable.

2:04
Rocky Mountain High: Is there a place to look up park factor splits? Trying to see how LHP and RHP perform at specific locations instead of general park factor

2:04
Dan Szymborski: Seamheads usually updates theirs.  I do my owns.

2:05
Dan Szymborski: And there’s always the secretive FanGraphs Guts pages.

2:05
Pio: The Indians broadcasters were railing on Mejia yesterday pretty hard about not wanting to play outfield, citing some things Francona said. Seems an odd strategy three weeks from the trade deadline. Does Mejia really have character issues or does he have having to move to accommodate Perez and Gomes issues?

2:05
Dan Szymborski: I’m not sure what’s going on with Cleveland and St. Louis.  I kinda feel like these are things that probably shouldn’t air publicly

2:06
Executive Assistant to the GM: I know the A’s are in the conversation for a WC slot, but they have to be curious about what they could get for Blake Treinen, right? What kind of package do you think they could scrounge up for him?

2:06
Dan Szymborski: I’d listen at least, but I think my request would be steep.  The team *is* competitive right now and Treinen doesn’t hit FA until after 2020.

2:06
Dbo: What’s your take on the pie structure vs. ingredient matrix? Does a pie need to be fully encased in crust like apple pie or does an open topped pie like pumpkin pie count? Also are you ingredient neutral? Is chicken pot pie a type of pie? Is a deep dish pizza a type of pie?

2:06
Dan Szymborski: As with sandwiches, I’m a structure purist, ingredient rebel.

2:07
Dan Szymborski: I do prefer either encasement or no top crust over a lattice.

2:07
Dan Szymborski: The lattice cuts weird and you just kinda feel like you’re being robbed of crust

2:07
Josh: Have you any sense of how similar (or not) the Angelos sons plan to run the Orioles compared to dad? The acknowledgement of needing to catch up internationally sounds like MAYBE the sons could be a little more forward thinking. Am I delusional? I’m delusional. I can feel it.

2:07
Dan Szymborski: At this point, I’ll believe it when I see it.  The O’s ain’t earned any faith.

2:08
Kiermaier’s Piercing Green Eyes: The Orioles, who have resisted rebuilding for so long, will trade Machado. What does a team in denial about its future target in a trade? Mediocre talent close to the bigs? I can’t see them wanting lottery tickets in the lower levels, but the franchise defies reason.

2:08
Dan Szymborski: Logic would dictates they would go the normal route and get the best prospects they can.

2:08
Dan Szymborski: But as I’ve said on Twitter, one of my nightmares *is* they go for an established player as a part of the package.

2:09
Dan Szymborski: Something like Nick Ahmed and a prospect wouldn’t shock me, with some dumb argument about how “Ahmed keeps us competitive the next two years.”

2:09
Dan Szymborski: Now, I should be shocked because that would be MINDBOGGLINGLY AWFUL, but the O’s don’t shock me.

2:09
Gadi: WHY IS JOSH TOMLIN STILL ON THE INDIANS????

2:09
Dan Szymborski: Inertia

2:09
Matt: Per the front page description: “The owner-operator of the ZiPS projection system takes questions and answers a certain percentage of them.” So, do you have a SLA on % of questions that must be answered? If I flood the question box, does that destroy your efficiency? I’m looking for ways to sabotage your chats.

2:09
Dan Szymborski: I try to get to a quarter of the questions.

2:10
Dan Szymborski: If I actually catch up to the present time wtiht aht percentage, I’ll backtrack and try to start grabbing ones I missed.

2:10
Dan Szymborski: I have a bias in favor of answers I can question quickly and answers that are relevant to more than just the asker.

2:10
Dan Szymborski: I can’t answer a question in which I need to do 10 minutes of works

2:11
Dan Szymborski: and it’s hard to ask too many “WHO DO I DROP FOR THIS PITCHER HERE ARE MY OTHER ELEVEN PITCHERS” because it’s super specific.

2:11
Mertz: Should the Royals try to trade Danny Duffy and Salvador Perez?

2:11
Dan Szymborski: Eventually.  I’m not sure this is the best time with the vortex of suck overcoming th em.

2:11
Steve: Try to sell or hold Moncada in a shallow OBP keeper if competing?

2:12
Dan Szymborski: Shallow and OBP make this a harder hold.

2:12
Dbo: What is your new career announcement, are you leaving us?

2:12
Dan Szymborski: I WILL DIE AT SOMEPOINT BETWEEN THIS MOMENT AND LIKE, 2068.

2:12
Matt: on a scale of p to potato, what’s your favorite starch?

2:12
Dan Szymborski: I tend to like pasta over other starches.

2:12
Dan Szymborski: Wait, are we counting beer?

2:12
Dan Szymborski: If so, that’s my favorite starch.

2:12
Carl: Hi Dan, on a scale of 0-10 how in trouble are the Nats?

2:13
Dan Szymborski: If 10 is more trouble, about a 6

2:13
My Name is Judge…: so special episode due to a personal career announcement, so are you:

2:13
Dan Szymborski: NOT SCOTUS

2:13
Tim: Have we reached the end of the road with Joe Mauer?

2:13
Dan Szymborski: Nearly reaching it.  Not sure what’s going on with Minnesota, there are a LOT of guys who should just be playing a lot better than they are.

2:13
Dan Szymborski: On offense

2:13
Matt: Is there no sort of microaggression in your chat announcement assuming my time zone?

2:14
Dan Szymborski: I commit macroaggressions always.

2:14
tyler: Biggest All Star snub?

2:15
Dan Szymborski: Snell.  Given that I’d seriously consider putting him on my Cy Young ballot if the season ended today, he ought to be in the ASB

2:16
Dan Szymborski: Theoretically, I don’t know if I’ll vote in the Cy Young balloting this year and since I’m in the Cincinnati BBWAA chapter, I’m far, far more likely to vote for the NL Cy Young than the AL anyway.

2:17
Lennon’s Dad: Socrates Brito really fell off the map, but he’s getting the ball in the air more. He has an inflated BABIP and still chases too much, but is he deserving of a real shot now?

2:18
Dan Szymborski: It would have been interesting, but I don’t htink thtey’re going to release Jon Jay to find out.  It’d be easier if he hit right-handed.  I’m a believe in always letting a player change your opinion of them.

2:18
GERB: What happens with arbitration with a guy like Danny Salazar? Got 5m for this year and is going to miss the whole year due to injury. If the Indians think he has the chance to make a comeback next year, would they ever be able to settle a lower salary in arbitration, or is about 5m again probably a good assumption?

2:18
Dan Szymborski: Still subject to the maximum cuts.

2:19
Matt: You mentioned a big career announcement today. Are you defecting to North Korea?

2:19
Dan Szymborski: JUCHE IDEA

2:19
Johnny Coconuts: Should Max Muncy’s positional flexibility (1B,3B,2B) be considered more in the Final Vote, despite it not being quantified?

2:19
Dan Szymborski: I think it’s worth breaking a tie

2:19
Matt: Has Nick Markakis’ All-Star season caused you to question your existence and leave the baseball industry?

2:19
Dan Szymborski: No.  Baseball going to baseball.  My opinions change as the underlying facts change.

2:20
Gub Gub: Do you think you could pull off a convincing dropkick on Aaron Judge?

2:20
Dan Szymborski: No, he’s too tall and too…errr…gravity bound to get THAT high on him.

2:21
Dan Szymborski: Though I could pull it off better than an enzuigiri.  Now, I could be a dick and do like one of those heel dropkicks to the knees.

2:21
Dan Szymborski: Because let’s be honest, if I were a wrestler, I’d be a bad guy, a manager that people love to see get beat up.

2:21
My Name is Judge…: ” Very Special Episode due to a personal career announcement”; so you are:
joining the supreme court
new head of the EPA
starting your WWE career
dedicating more time to being president of the Nick Markakis fan club
going back to work at H&H bagels now that they have met your demands (strikes over!)

2:21
Ryan : Why should the Padres do with Brad Hand?

2:21
Dan Szymborski: Trade him.

2:21
Ryan : Is Hosmer a good player?

2:21
Dan Szymborski: He’s an averageish player with moments.

2:22
Purple Mays Haze: Does ZIPS assign different IP for a given pitcher based on whether they are expected to be an SP or RP or is it just based on previous season’s IP’s? If the former, how does ZIPS adjust WHIP/ERA/K9 between being an SP or RP (or is it just prorated)?

2:22
Dan Szymborski: ZiPS goes by previous play unless I ORDER it not too.

2:22
Dan Szymborski: I have historical data in majors and minors for players that switch back an dforth

2:22
Kiermaier’s Presbyopia: Hi Dan. A week without a Dan chat is …just a week lost.  A question on the minor leagues. Do the minor leagues employ shifts as much as MLB? A good minor league hitter (KyleTucker for example) might not ever see a shift..then he gets to Houston and being left handed he sees aggresive shifts for the first time and has to adjust to that as well a MLB Pitching. As side from hating Cotton Eyed Joe  do you hate cotton in general?..Q-Tips? Soft Cotton Shirts?  Jharel Cotton?  Aaron Neville singing about cotton? Cotton Candy?
We have to know.

2:22
Dan Szymborski: I like cotton generally.

2:23
Dan Szymborski: Because it doesn’t shrink and I can just throw it in the washing machine.

2:23
Dan Szymborski: As Mitch Hedberg would say “This shirt is dry clean only…so it’s dirty”

2:23
James: Is Alex Bregman elite?

2:23
Dan Szymborski: Yes

2:23
Chris: Should the Padres trade Ross, Hand, Stammen, etc?

2:23
Dan Szymborski: Yes

2:23
GERB: Come playoff time should the Indians consider moving Carrasco into the bullpen? He’s really been the 4th best starter for them this year, and I expect his stuff plays up in the bullpen the best of any of their starters

2:24
Dan Szymborski: Eh, I still think he’s likely to be one of the top 3 on the team

2:24
Dan Szymborski: But I can see it happening

2:24
Blue Morpho: Did you know Sami Zayn pitches for the Indians?

2:24
Nicole: Are the Padres moving in the right direction?

2:25
Dan Szymborski: Broadly yes.  There are some things that I really don’t like — excessive commit to a very average player, renting Freddy Galvis for no good reason — but they haven’t really waylaid the rebuild, so much as slagged on unhelpful slatherings

2:25
AK: Hi Dan, congrats on whatever is making this episode very special.  Unless it’s bad, in which case, condolences.  Congratudolences, just to be safe.

2:25
Dan Szymborski: It’s not bad.  At least for me, some of you might think it’s bad.

2:26
Dan Szymborski: But I wouldn’t tease something like a cancer diagnosis, that would be real sociopath stuff

2:26
Help: Does anything matter  why try?

2:26
Dan Szymborski: 4 the lulz

2:27
Dan Szymborski: and the dank memes

2:27
Dan Szymborski:

2:27
Matt: But what about tokers?

2:27
Dan Szymborski: I used jokers…uhh..Rokers?

2:27
Chris: Why don’t more GMs rip other GMs in the media for not getting deals done? It seems effective.

2:27
Dan Szymborski: GMs compete, but there’s also a sense of collaboration in that they have to come to agreements on stuff

2:28
Mikey P: What should the A’s do at the deadline Dan?

2:28
Dan Szymborski: I think we need to see where they are in 3 weeks.  A’s playoff hopes, given the shape of the league (lots of really bad teams, only a few legitimate WC contenders) could soar or implode before then

2:28
Rick C: Could you ever have imagined Nick Markakis and Matt Kemp as starting OFers in an All Star game in 2018?

2:29
Dan Szymborski: Given the horrors in my dream log, it’s not that crazy a vision.  Weird stuff happens in baseball.

2:29
Matt: My prediciton for Dan’s announcement: Be sure to drink your Ovaltine

2:29
Dan Szymborski: I preferred Nesquik anyway as a kid

2:29
Guest: the monster at the end of this book is delightful and my sweet baby boy loves grover. my question is: how dare you?

2:29
Dan Szymborski: THEY PROMISED A MONSTER

2:29
Dan Szymborski: They promise something so horrifying that it will CHILL grover’s soul and put him back in his place.

2:30
Dan Szymborski: Now you can’t even THREATEN grover.  he walks around like he’s a robber baron now.  He’s like Jay Gould now

2:30
Fred: How big a difference does ZIPS attribute to starting vs. relieving on average?  Half a run of ERA?  More?

2:30
Dan Szymborski: not that clear cut, it’s more peripheral based (and season-to-season ZiPS uses velocity in this too)

2:31
David: Who is the best player on the Padres?

2:31
Dan Szymborski: I’m tempted to say Tatis

2:31
Shep : Why do GMs make trades?

2:31
Dan Szymborski: For the same reason you trade money to your grocer for bread.

2:32
Dan Szymborski: The grocer does not need ALL THAT BREAD.  It’ll go bad if they don’t trade it.

2:32
Dan Szymborski: And  YOU can’t make a sandwich out of dollars.  It’s way too inky and hard to digest, no matter how much jelly you put on it

2:32
Matt: Let’s say a team has a great, forward thinking FO, but a bumbling idiot of a GM. They also have a great cost-controlled starter, but no immediate future for the MLB team. Could Cashman trade himself to said team for said pitcher?

2:32
Dan Szymborski: You don’t like Cashman?

2:32
Nikki: What are the Padres doing right?

2:32
Dan Szymborski: Player development

2:32
Matt: How are things such as the FIP constant calculated? total-league stats, or qualified players? Also, by lature of league averages being fluid, would each season’s constant be variable until the end of the season (so, a pitcher’s FIP could change between starts).

2:33
Dan Szymborski: I THINK FG is calculating it live, but I really don’t know

2:33
Dave: It’s the first day of free agency. You’re a GM with financial flexibility and a team ready to contend. What’s your best offer to Bryce Harper?

2:33
Dan Szymborski: Votto’s deal

2:33
Dan Szymborski: There’s too much uncertainty to give him $300 million, I feel

2:33
Szymbooo Slice: Can you just wrap up the chat now so that we can get to your big announcement?

2:33
Dan Szymborski: It’s an art

2:34
Matt: My Dan’s announcement prediction: Joining the Trump administration as the new sandwich czar. Will implement a strict fascistic interpretation of “sandwich” and ban the hot dog from America.

2:34
Dan Szymborski: STOP MAKING FAKE SANDWICHES.  I’M LOOKING YOU WRAP PEOPLE

2:34
Gopherballs: So, you are Batman, right?

2:34
Dan Szymborski: I wouldn’t fit into that molded uniform

2:35
Dan Szymborski: I’m way into the 200s weight-wise, I don’t know what batarang cables are rated at

2:35
Optimistic Met: someone tell me why Jose Reyes is still a major leaguer!

2:35
Dan Szymborski: Inertia?

2:35
Dan Szymborski: I know I answer that a lot

2:35
Sonny: Is there a historical precedent for Moncada’s profile that reflects positively on him?

2:35
Dan Szymborski: He could literally be 2B Juan Gonzalez the OF

2:35
RotoLando: I don’t have the skills, but I’d like to make a t-shirt with that “Footsteps on the Beach” thing with Jesus, but with Jesus Aguilar.

2:35
Chili Beans Davis: Is the announcement that ZiPS finally became fully sentient and is forcing you to do its bidding in its attempt to establish world domination and to install the designated hitter in the National League?

2:36
Dan Szymborski: No, I’d have to be way smarter to program something like that

2:36
Mikey P: Scale 1-10 how much do you like the ASG not “mattering” anymore?

2:36
Dan Szymborski: 7

2:36
Josh Nelson: Would you be in favor of a two division per league format?

2:36
Dan Szymborski: Yeah, but it wouldn’t happen

2:36
Dbo: Will you help me set the line up for my niece’s tee ball team, I can provide the data. Her friend Lily has a high OBP because she throws a tantrum if she’s tagged out, I think this is an overlooked strategy

2:36
Dan Szymborski: I think for little kids, you put them in the order at which they’re least likely to cry

2:36
Matt: My Dan’s announcement prediction: Moving to antarctica for the next 12 months due to losing a Markakis-related bet made with a college friend 10 years ago.

2:37
Jerry: Would you rather have Wil Myers or Kyle Seager for the rest of their contracts?

2:37
Dan Szymborski: Seager still I think, but it’s much closer than I’d think a year ago

2:37
Gub Gub: Is there a physical upper limit to the number of Tommy John surgeries one can have?  Or can Nate Eovaldi just keep going?

2:38
Dan Szymborski: Have you seen The Frankenstein Chronicles?

2:38
Dan Szymborski: As long as Eovaldi has victims, he can keep trying

2:39
Slingsby: Taking out the Washington factor, does degrom deserve to be the Allstar game starter based on merit?

2:39
Dan Szymborski: I don’t think ti’s clear cut

2:39
Dan Szymborski: I think you can make a good case for all of deGrom, Nola, Scherzer

2:39
MRS. MACHADO: Dan, I can’t stop Zillow-ing the possible cities we’ll end up in for the remainder of this season. It’s a brutal cycle. We probably won’t even be there more than 3 months and I still can’t turn it off. Please at LEAST help me narrow the search. I’ve got like 12 tabs open. Don’t think, just say it. WHERE SHOULD I BE LOOKING??

2:39
Dan Szymborski: You’re not buying a house for 3 months

2:39
tyler: Snell has 2.3 fwar so far, Simmons has 3.5 and Benintendi has 3.4 fwar.  I think Snell should be an All Star, however it seems like there are a lot of players having great years who dint make it.  And the you have someone like Moreland who does.

2:40
Dan Szymborski: Yeah, but I like a mix of bWAR and fWAR, in which Snell goes up

2:40
Von Hayes: The next foreign secretary of the United Kingdom!

2:40
Dan Szymborski: It IS a country with more meat pie availability

2:40
A Tribe Called Kipnis: Worst official All-Star of your lifetime?

2:40
Dan Szymborski: Redman?

2:40
Mark: Should the Tigers trade Castellanos or try to extend him?

2:41
Dan Szymborski: I’d try to extend first if I can get a reasonable deal, but I’d explore trading him if I couldn’t

2:41
Slingsby: Would you be hesitant to introduce your significant other to Pat the Bat Burrell

2:41
Dan Szymborski: No, any woman who puts up with me has a high tolerance for weirdness and stupidity

2:42
Only Padres Fan on the Internet: Would the Padres have been better off taking the money guaranteed to Hosmer and using it to install beach sand in all seating sections?

2:42
Dan Szymborski: Yes

2:42
Dbo: If you were a manager you would be Paul Bearer and Bryce Harper would be your Undertaker

2:42
Dan Szymborski: THERE’S WAR IN THIS URN

2:42
Ichiro: Enyel De Los Santos will be a good starter in the league, yes? Numbers look legit in AAA this year…

2:42
Dan Szymborski: Looking increasingly like he has a good shot.  At the least, I think he’ll be a good reliever

2:42
Neymar Rolling Around in Agony: What are your thought on wool. Are you  Anti-Wool?                 A Wool-ite per say?

2:42
Dan Szymborski: I don’t like anything I can’t put in the washing machine

2:42
Run Dudley Run: Oh no, did you go see the bicycle man?

2:43
Dan Szymborski: Wait, what?

2:43
Gub Gub: If you were ever given the opportunity to throw out the first pitch, would you practice day and night until you could toss it over the plate, or just lob the ball and shrug?

2:43
Dan Szymborski: I used to pitch as a teenager so I’d try to be good again.

2:43
Dan Szymborski: Well, relatively speaking; my fastball topped out at 70

2:43
Dan Szymborski: and probably isn’t 50 now.

2:43
Gopherballs: Is the announcement Smash Mouth-related?

2:44
Dan Szymborski: You might as well be walkin’ on the sun.

2:44
O’s Nos: Seeing Adam Jones traded to a world series contender would make you happy, right?

2:44
Dan Szymborski: Yes

2:44
Dan Szymborski: Both for me and for him

2:44
Bob Cobb: is Eloy Jimenez going to be basically Nelson Cruz?

2:44
Dan Szymborski: You say that like it’s a bad thing

2:44
Devil Ray Jay Johnson: Did Boras Corp fire Heyman and hire you as the new hype man?

2:45
Dan Szymborski: BRYCE HARPER HAS A 1.000 BA IN THE ABS IN WHICH HE’S NOT PUT OUT.  SUCK THAT DOWN

2:45
Gub Gub: Maybe the monsters aren’t the real monster, Dan.  The monster is you.

2:45
Dan Szymborski: Call me a monster one more time and I’ll club you and eat your bones.

2:46
All Cats Are Beautiful: Do you ever visit baseball think factory any more?  It’s a ghost town compared to when zips was first released there.  Sad.

2:46
Dan Szymborski: I still read the arguments, mostly the Lounge

2:46
Guest2: Do you have thoughts on what the Rockies should do with Jon Gray?

2:46
Dan Szymborski: Be more patient

2:46
The Gyorko Store Called: Did you finally give in and approve the ZiPS-Steamer merger?

2:46
Dan Szymborski: STEAPS

2:46
D: Renaming Fangrahs to Dangraphs?

2:46
Dan Szymborski: No, Apples already turned down my resdesign idea.

2:47
Dan Szymborski:

2:47
D: A sandwich is a sandwich but a manwich is a ______?

2:48
Dan Szymborski: sandwich

2:48
Dan Szymborski: sloppy joes are sandwiches

2:48
Dan Szymborski: Oh, you can post gifs in here!

2:48
Dan Szymborski:

2:49
Gub Gub: If you ever found yourself swept up in an anti-donut protest, would you show solidarity with the mob, or cave for an offer of free donuts?

2:49
Dan Szymborski: I’m pronut

2:49
Matt: On a integer scale of [1,4], how much do you hate scales without a mid-point?

2:49
Dan Szymborski: 2,2,3

2:49
LFC Mike: Dan is going on writing/speaking strike until the Orioles show that at least 10% of the brain cells in the front office are active. …..He will be missed.

2:49
Dan Szymborski: How will I feed my cats over the next 15 years?

2:49
Nick: Rockies:  Buyers or sellers?

2:49
Dan Szymborski: Poseur buyers

2:50
Guest2: Announcement prediction: Dan is Taking a sabbatical to write a collection of poetry focused on reviving heroic couplet.

2:50
The Gyorko Store Called: Were you booked as the opening act for Carson’s artisan kazoo band’s summer tour?

2:50
Dan Szymborski:

2:51
Dan Szymborski: Sorry, I’m just excited that GIFS work.

2:51
D: If the Red Sox could get Beltre at a reasonable price, should they do that and send Devers down?

I guess I’m generally asking what you think of Devers’ chance to be good the rest of this season.

2:51
Dan Szymborski: I like Devers, but I’d want to upgrade Beltre short-term

2:51
Sam: Isn’t there an underrated chance that the Mariners just fall off a cliff one of these days and start playing sub .500 baseball the rest of the season?

2:51
Dan Szymborski: There’s always a chance, but I think they’re at heart a .510-.520 team

2:51
All Cats Are Beautiful: If defensive metrics were better and more available in the 90s and beyond, would Jeter have moved off SS, would he have worked on his fielding more, or would the Yankees have just dismissed the available fielding metrics?

2:52
Dan Szymborski: The latter I think.  They’d have let Jeter pitch if he demanded it

2:52
Johnny Coconuts: Dan’s going to be taking on the role of ombudsman for Fangraphs. His first move will be looking into foul play for when Carson made fun of commercials made by long time Boston business owners.

2:52
Muffin Man: Do you know me?

2:52
Dan Szymborski: Dude, I’ve been to your house on Drury Lane

2:52
Dan Szymborski: Not that a Muffin Man can afford to live there these days

2:53
Dan Szymborski: When my sister was tiny, I used to sing her children’s songs, but darkly in a minor key.  One of them was Muffin Man.

2:53
Dan Szymborski: It totally helped disturb here

2:53
Nils: Is the announcement you’ve signed on to play One-eyed Willie for the remake of the Goonies?

2:53
Dan Szymborski: IVE GOT TWO EYES LEARN TO COUNT PROLE

2:53
Another Spring.: Please tell me you’re joining my “most-hated team”.

2:53
Dan Szymborski: Does it have benefits?

2:53
The Gyorko Store Called: Is “Dan Szymborski” a burner account for Dayton Moore?

2:54
Dan Szymborski: Distinct possibility.

2:54
Another Spring.: Is it true that one out of three announcements you make is food related? Are you entering an all-you-can-eat contest?

2:54
Dan Szymborski: I can’t take Joey Chestnut.

2:54
Dave Szymborski (no relation): It is called Fangraphs, but no looks at the graphs.  Makes you think.

2:54
Dan Szymborski: Fang Raphs

2:54
Tim Tebow’s Thunder Thighs: Also please don’t stop chatting.  You’re the only FG writer who looks beyond my ridiculous username to answer questions.

2:54
Another Spring.: Who’s giving you a show on MLB Network?

2:55
Dan Szymborski: I would totally love to do a panel show, a baseball version of Bill Maher’s show, in which I have baseball players and random pop culture people and ask them inane questions before I lecture them.

2:55
Dank Szymborski: LADIES AND GENTLEMAN, THE CLOWN SHOW HAS BEEN PUT ON HIATUS FOR RETOOLING

2:55
Smash Mouth: Ty Wigginton was the Orioles’ All Star representative one year!

2:55
Dan Szymborski: Holy sharking fit, I totally forgot this

2:56
Dan Szymborski: I’ve blocked out most of my O’s 2000-2010 memories, with a lot of help from alcohol and stubborness.

2:57
Dan Szymborski: Every time someone brings up Buck Martinez’s stint broadcasting the O’s, I literally have ZERO memory of this

2:57
Dan Szymborski: ANNOUNCEMENT TIME

2:57
Dan Szymborski: Thanks for coming all!  See you next time!

We hoped you liked reading Dan Szymborski FanGraphs Chat – 7/9/18 by Carson Cistulli!

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Carson Cistulli has published a book of aphorisms called Spirited Ejaculations of a New Enthusiast.

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