Offseason Notes: Home to Mariginally Important News

I call you’re the one on the left.

This edition of Offseason Notes contains:

1. SCOUT leaderboards — now with organizational names!
2. Some pretty serious LOL-type writing situations.


3. The antidote to all life’s worries.

Marginally Important News
In which the author examines some news that’s maybe less-than-fit to print.

Cashman: Ivan Nova Likely to Start
Yankee GM Brian Cashman has made it a matter of public record that NERD-favorite Ivan Nova — he of the magically disappearing changepiece — will likely be a part of the Yankees rotation in 2011. This is good news for all of America.

Balentien: Soon to Be Big in Japan
When Erik Hahmann of D Rays Bay or DRaysBay or D-Rays Bay asked me last week who I thought might make sense at DH for Tampa Bay, I replied that Wladimir Balentien would be an interesting option — at least in a platoon situation. Now, it’s important to note that I was drinking heavily at the time and have never actually heard of this so-called “former prospect” before, but it’s fact that CHONE likes Balentien and that Balentien crushed lefties in 100-plus ABs (sample size! sample size!) this year at Triple-A. In any case, it appears unlikely to happen, as, per our man Patrick Newman, Balentien is headed to Japan.

Epstein: Saltalamacchia Might Be “Everday Guy”
It’s obvious that “Everyday Guy” sounds like the title of a country music song. The trickier thing to assess is whether the guy in question is everyday, like, “normal” or everyday, like, “a male prostitute.” We’ll find out if and/or when Jarrod Saltalamacchia becomes the starting catcher for the Red Sox.

SCOUT Batting Leaderboard
The Leaderboard
Here is the SCOUT batting leaderboard for the Arizona Fall League. (Click here for more on SCOUT, the metric that’s “sweeping” the “nation.”)

It took me like a hundred hours to insert the organizational names in there.

SCOUT Pitching Leaderboard
The Leaderboard
Same verse, very similar to the first.

It’s just like everyone said, and I quote: “David Bromberg will absolutely dominate the Arizona Fall League.” (Actually, now I look at it, he’s really not dominating the AFL, having conceded 34 hits and 18 runs in his 22.2 IP. That gives him a 6.75 ERA, which places him among the bottom 10 of the 58 qualified AFL pitchers. “Curious” is all I’l say about that for the moment.)

Projections: ZiPS for Cleveland Indians
Beloved Pole Dan Szymborski has published his ZiPS projections for the Cleveland Indians. Below are some of the notable ones. (All numbers assume major league competition. OPS+ and ERA+ are park-adjusted.)

Behold, the future:
Jason Kipnis, 2B, 24: .261/.323/.388, 94 OPS+. Is not hurting prospects for playing time with .288/.333/.630 line in Arizona. (Also, is ranked seventh of 72 by SCOUT.)
Cord Phelps, 2B, 24: .262/.331/.369, 92 OPS+. Not a lot of people know that he’s actually — along with the aforementioned Kipnis — the product of a government-sponsored cloning project.
Justin Masterson, RHP, 26: 4.37 ERA, 31 G, 31 GS, 183.1 IP, 16 HR, 76 BB, 152 K, 97 ERA+. This is the only starter above the league-average threshold for starters.

We hoped you liked reading Offseason Notes: Home to Mariginally Important News by Carson Cistulli!

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Carson Cistulli has published a book of aphorisms called Spirited Ejaculations of a New Enthusiast.

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