An Incomplete Syllogism Concerning Max Scherzer

Max Scherzer, bathed in the uncreated light.

How has the author spent his Sunday? Generally speaking, not in any way that would credit the species.

Yet, just like a broken clock, that same author is both (a) standing quite still in your grandmother’s anteroom and (b) occasionally right.

In this particular case, a brief moment of inspiration has produced the following — i.e. three premises towards what would likely be an important syllogism were it complete. But it is not complete. And perhaps — like all things that are beautiful but imperfect — never will be.

In any case, here are those same three premises, sans conclusion.

Premise No. 1
To philosophize is to learn how to die.

Premise No. 2
The French idiom la petite mort (or, “the little death”) is a euphemism for orgasm.

Premise No. 3
On the mound, Tigers right-hander Max Scherzer is a purveyor of spiritual delights.


What do we learn from this? More about our own imperfections, appears to be primarily the answer.

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Carson Cistulli has published a book of aphorisms called Spirited Ejaculations of a New Enthusiast.

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To be struck out by Max Scherzer is to know the phenomenon of the Scherzergasm.

A hormone is released from the pineal gland, which gently carries the hitter — imbued with a quixotic sense of euphoria — back towards the dugout.

Where he collapses into the comforting realization that a strikeout is no worse a statistical outcome than an infield pop up.

And that death can be no worse than playing for the Astros.


Just looking at those eyes gives me a Scherzergasm.