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Jays Set for Massive Free Agent Haul

The NotGraphs Investigative Reporting Investigation Team recently stumbled upon some exciting news for Blue Jays fans who are still smarting from the loss of hope that Toronto-born Joey Votto – who recently signed a $200 million+ contract extension with the Cincinnati Reds – would sign for a few million loonies to play with the Jays once he hit free agency.

The Blue Jays front office is gearing up to throw millions and millions of dollars at free agents during the 2012-13 off-season. How is this possible, you might ask? The Jays have discovered a new (and seemingly massive) source of revenue. No, it’s not a new television deal… or a licensing agreement with a sporting apparel company.

It’s hotdogs.

Blue Jays Hotdogs... for reals, yo!

With this clear-cut winner of an idea we are certain that the club can count on at least an extra $30 million dollars to throw at the likes of Josh Hamilton, B.J. Upton, Zack Greinke, and Cole Hamels.

If the Blue Jays are looking to further dive into the supermarket wars, might I suggest one more item:

Does this seem fishy to you?

Clearly there is some money to be had in selling sardines.

(A special thank you goes to my wife who looked on with embarrassment while I photographed hotdogs and sardines at our local supermarket)

Beckett, Bailey Injured During Thumb Wars Battle

Bloody Thumb Wars

It has recently come to the attention of the NotGraphs Investigative Reporting Investigation Team that, in an effort to avoid the temptation of beer and chicken, the Boston Red Sox clubhouse started a competitive thumb wars league at the beginning of spring training.

Everything was going well – although fried chicken dealers in the Boston area were predicting a 17% drop in sales in 2012 – until starting pitcher Josh Beckett and new closer Andrew Bailey came down with right thumb injuries during their semifinal match of the clubhouse’s spring championship finale.

Said one unnamed member of Boston’s 40-man roster, “Bailey appeared to have the upper hand when Beckett attempted the Iranian Thumb Twist maneuver and it went horribly wrong.”

A highly-ranked Red Sox prospect in camp on a non-roster invite shook his head stating, “I’ll never watch thumb wars again the same way.”

According to a less-than-impressed front office official those within the clubhouse walls will never again utter the words: “One, two, three, four, I declare a thumb war.”