Buddy Cop Movie Idea: Title Needed

Adrian and Yasiel

Scene: Helicopter shot of Los Angeles, zoom in on a flashy red convertible, driving erratically down Wilshire Boulevard. In the rearview mirror, we see a car pursuing them. The suspect in the passenger seat looks back, and we follow his gaze to a jet black muscle car, driven by Adrian Gonzalez. Gonzalez’s partner, Hanley Ramirez, leans out the passenger window and tries to shoot out the tires of fleeing convertible.

Hanley: Get me closer!

Adrian: This is as close as you’re going to get.

Hanley: I don’t care how, but you’ve got to get alongside them.

Adrian: I’ll try.

Cut to Yasiel Puig, badge hanging from a chain around his neck, borrowing a bulldozer from a construction site a few blocks away.

Cut back to Gonzalez, who steps on the gas. As the convertible swerves right, he pulls up next to it. Ramirez shoots out the tires, but the car keeps going as the driver struggles to maintain control. A third passenger, from the back seat, leans out of the car with a shotgun and points it at Ramirez. Over the radio, we hear a voice:

Yasiel: Don’t worry guys; I got this.

Yasiel Puig pulls out in front of the convertible in the bulldozer, and leaps clear at the last second. There is a spectacular collision, and the car explodes. Rattled, Gonzalez loses control of his car and hits a palm tree. Ramirez is severely injured.

Adrian: Hanley! Hanley! Talk to me buddy!

Fade out.

Fade back in at the station, in Don Mattingly’s office.

Don: I’m sorry about Hanley, Adrian. I know you were close. We both know he’s not going to be back for a while, so I’m assigning you a new partner. Maybe you can rein him in a little.

Adrian: Oh Skipper, no. Not…

Yasiel Puig pokes his head in the office door.

Yasiel: You wanted to see me, Skip?

Don: Yeah, 15 minutes ago.

Yasiel: Sorry, I was out late last night celebrating the big arrest in the Johanson investigation.

Adrian: Skipper, this son of a bitch is the reason Hanley’s in traction right now. No way I’m partnering with him.

Yasiel: Hey, if it weren’t for me, you’d both be dead right now.

Don: Both of you, shut the hell up. Gonzalez, you’re the best detective I’ve got, but you do everything by the book. And Yasiel, you’re the most talented cop I’ve ever seen, but you’re undisciplined. Maybe you guys can learn something from each other.

Puig and Gonzalez start arguing with Mattingly at the same time, talking over one another.

Don: SHUT! UP! You two will learn to work together, or you won’t work at all. Now get the hell out of my office! And close the god-damned door!

Gonzalez slams the door on the way out. Mattingly’s 1985 MVP award falls off the wall.

Cut to the hospital room of Hanley Ramirez, who is in a full-body cast.

Adrian: I don’t know man. I don’t think I can do it.

Hanley: Man, I got hurt because I was hanging out of a car window and not wearing my seatbelt. And I was even more reckless than that when I got to Los Angeles. Now go teach this rookie something.

Adrian: You’re right. I’ll do it.

Eventually the two new partners are assigned to a case. No one can figure out who is bringing drugs into the city. Their investigation leads them to an antiquities store, Beltran and Wainwright, run by two well-respected local businessmen.

Adrian: We’d like to talk to you about the shipments you’re receiving. I’ve heard that sometimes your shipments come through customs with almost no hassle at all. Care to comment on that?

Adam Wainwright: I assure you detectives, I have no idea what you’re talking about.

Carlos Beltran: Yeah, we’re just two well-respected local businessmen. We have nothing to do with smuggling or the international drug trade.

Adrian: Who said anything about the drug trade?

Yasiel Puig starts dancing.

Adrian: What are you doing?

Yasiel: You caught him in a lie. I’m celebrating.

Adrian: We haven’t proven anything yet.

Carlos: YEAH! Stop acting childish. We have done nothing wrong. I simply assumed you were going to ask about drugs, because I don’t know what else someone would smuggle.

Adam: Well, they could smuggle antiquities.

Yasiel dances again, pumping his fists wildly.

Yasiel: Arrest ‘em, man. They’re melting down right in front of you.

Adrian: I don’t think we can do that. We don’t have enough evidence yet.

Yasiel: Evidence?

Puig punches Gonzalez in the face.

Yasiel: There, one of them attacked you. You guys, come with us. <dances>

Adam: You can’t celebrate when you don’t have us in custody. In fact, now…

Wainwright and Beltran pull out guns from behind the counter I forgot to mention they were standing behind.

Carlos: You guys come with us.

Cut to a warehouse, where boxes labeled “Drugs” are being loaded onto a truck.

Adam: Maybe you should have focused less on your Mickey Mouse celebrations, and more on doing your jobs, detectives.

Carlos: Now, you’re going to pay the price for your immaturity. This bomb will go off in 5 minutes. By then, we’ll be long gone with the evidence. And you’ll just be dead.

Adam: We’re going to go continue loading the truck now, and not pay terribly close attention to you. Such is how little we regard the threat you and your antics pose to our massive criminal enterprise.

Wainwright and Beltran go to another part of the warehouse. Working separately, Gonzalez and Puig struggle to escape.

Adrian: This isn’t working. We need to work together. Can you turn your chair so we’re back to back?

Yasiel: Yes, and then you can grab my non-regulation pocket knife from pants pocket and cut us free.

This is what they do. Then they sneak around the warehouse, take Wainwright and Beltran by surprise, and knock them out. As Puig begins celebrating again, they wake up. Gonzalez starts reading them their rights.

Adam: You idiot, if you don’t defuse the bomb, we’ll all be dead.

Yasiel walks over to the bomb, pulls a blue wire, and the timer stops at 0:03. He recommences to celebrating. Their backup arrives, and Don Mattingly walks in and shakes their hands.

Don: This is some good work, boys. I knew you could do it.

Adrian: Yeah, I guess you can be a little too “by the book.”

Yasiel: And I guess you can be a little too exuberant.

Don: Well, you both learned something, and I think this could be the start of a beautiful movie franchise. Maybe we add Joe Pesci next time.

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Mike Bates co-founded The Platoon Advantage, and has written for many other baseball websites, including NotGraphs (rest in peace) and The Score. Currently, he writes for MLB Daily Dish on SB Nation. He currently cohosts the podcast This Week In Baseball History. His favorite word is paradigm. Follow him on Twitter @MikeBatesSBN.

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