Carl Crawford’s Experience as Actual Antique Book

We know that Carl Crawford loves antiquarian books. Does classic literature love Carl Crawford back?

The answer appears to be a resounding “Yes.” Regard:

Or perhaps you prefer a more modern printing:

I have not yet had the chance to explore the heights and depths of this bit of the Horatio Alger’s oeuvre, undoubtedly another classic rags-to-riches tale. Surely it is about this week’s, nay, season’s hero. Indeed, Alger was a native of Cheslea and a graduate of Harvard. Surely the winds heralding the incipient birth of Red Sox Nation would have been stirring even prior to his death in 1899.

Some may say that the constraints of linear temporality rule out the chances of the authenticity of this book, but the spiritual continuity of Red Sox Nation is not constrained by mere space-time. There will be many questions as we pore over the hermetic mysteries of Driven From Home, the Carl Crawford Experience. Is “home” Tampa Bay, from whence our hero was driven into the brutal Boston media environment? Is “home” Houston, Crawford’s birthplace? Is “home” football, which Crawford elected not to play in college on scholarship in favor of signing with the Rays? Maybe “home” is simply a metaphor for “good performance on the baseball field.”

These are sort of questions careful exegetes bring to the text. What will the text bring to us in return?

Print This Post

Matt Klaassen reads and writes obituaries in the Greater Toronto Area. If you can't get enough of him, follow him on Twitter.

newest oldest most voted

Stupid people wouldn’t understand any of these jokes. That makes it even funnier.