Charlie Blackmon Has Beard, Twitter Account

The reader might have found himself under the impression of late that, owing to how Charlie Blackmon recently injured himself, that the present author would be looking to use his white-hot prose skills to eulogize some other sort of baseballing PYT.

Allow me to inform the reader immediately that such an impression is decidedly false. How the reader ever found himself under it is a great mystery — and he (i.e. the reader) would do well to begin finding himself astride, athwart, or any other preposition as regards said impression.

In fact, Mr. Blackmon has found some other outlets for his conspicuous Talent — namely, in the different-but-kinda-the-same arts of beard-growing and tweeting.

The beard, which you can see above with your own eyes, is in the style known as the Gregarious Hobo by authorities on the matter.

Apropos tweeting, Blackmon was given the controls to the Rockies’ feed on Tuesday. Below are some of his noteworthy comments. (Note that “RT” appeared before tweets that were clearly coming from Blackmon himself. It’s not clear why.)

1. To this one I’ll add merely that I, myself, drew a picture of Blackmon and he went 5-4 that night.

2. More on this one momentarily.

3. This Tweet suggests that, much like another bearded American, Charlie Blackmon willn’t hesitate to celebrate his own self.

It’s important to note, firstly, that Charlie Blackmon doesn’t have to be good — either at beard management or tweeting — to deserve our praise. The thing he does (i.e. play baseball) he already does better than most of us do one thing.

It’s also important that Charlie Blackmon might actually be good at both of these things. As Blackmon states in his own, newly created Twitter account, “Don’t act like you are not impressed.”

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Carson Cistulli has published a book of aphorisms called Spirited Ejaculations of a New Enthusiast.

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Dayn Perry

I hope Mr. Blackmon has the good sense to block you.