Eight Popular and Not Fake Baseball Drinking Games

The Leaders of Tomorrow work hard and play harder and smile hardest.

Because both (a) life is a cavalcade of miseries and (b) alcohol famously offers consequence-free relief from said miseries, it follows that (c) no further incentives need exist for its (i.e. alcohol’s) consumption.

And yet, it is not uncommon to find — in particular, among the Leaders of Tomorrow — to find games designed to facilitate and make more amusing the consumption of alcoholic beverages.

Below are eight examples of real baseball-related drinking games discovered by the present site’s Investigative Reporting Investigation Team and not actually just invented right now by the author, sitting at his dumb writing table.

1. Take a small sip of chablis for every infield fly hit by Joey Votto. (Note: for light drinkers.)

2. Drink a beer for every mention of FanGraphs on a Cubs television broadcast.

3. During a Dodgers home broadcast, take a sip every time you secretly wish Vin Scully would hold you and whisper that everything is okay before commencing a meaningful anecdote about Sandy Koufax.

4. Take a sip for every pitch Jose Molina frames for a strike.

5. Drink an ochoko‘s worth of sake every time Yu Darvish ravishes an opponent figuratively or literally. (Note: culturally relevant beverage!)

6. Divide the number of open seats at a Marlins home game by 1,000. Drink that many ounces of delicious sangria. (Note: culturally relevant beverage, probably!)

7. During an Atlanta Braves game, drink every time the opposition broadcast mentions that Evan Gattis was a janitor. (Credit to gentleman of the internet Andy Jenkins for this discovery.)

8. After listening to the radio broadcast of a Red Sox game, drink every time you catch yourself humming and/or singing the Giant Glass jingle. Continue drinking until this stops happening/you’re at the hospital.

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Carson Cistulli has published a book of aphorisms called Spirited Ejaculations of a New Enthusiast.

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Well-Beered Englishman
Well-Beered Englishman

Ladies: ask me about the rules to the baseball sex game.


I’m quite interested good sir.