Golden Gloves Live Blog

Golden Globe Statue

8:00 PM. Where are the jokes about baseball?
8:01 PM. I’m really not sure why Tina Fey and Amy Poehler were picked to host this baseball fielding awards show. I mean, I like Tina Fey and Amy Poehler, but what do they know about baseball?
8:03 PM. Wow, they sure got a lot of big celebrities to come to this thing. Wonder why they’re all sitting in the front. I guess Joey Votto is somewhere in the mezzanine.
8:06 PM. Lots and lots of movie jokes, but none about 42. That’s really confusing. You would think if they’re going to talk about movies, they would celebrate the one movie that’s about baseball. Crazy.
8:08 PM. Totally didn’t realize that’s what Johnny Damon looks like, and that his actual first name is Matt. He really cleans up well.
8:10 PM. Did Brandon Phillips really have that good of a year?
8:13 PM. Best supporting actor? You mean like the infield coach? When are they going to get to the catchers?
8:16 PM. These award shows really take forever to get going. I can’t believe someone sent his mother to accept the award for him. Who is she? At least the statue is nice. It looks like a very fine baseball indeed.
8:22 PM. I certainly hope Troy Tulowitzki wins his category.
8:26 PM. Oh… wait… Golden GLOBES????
8:27 PM. No, no, I think former Padres pitcher Brian Lawrence must have just gotten a sex change or something.

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Jeremy Blachman is the author of Anonymous Lawyer, a satirical novel that should make people who didn’t go to law school feel good about their life choices. Read more at McSweeney’s or elsewhere. He likes e-mail.

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