Heard This: Other Pro Baseballers Using Fake Names

Believe it.

By now you’ve heard that legendary Marlins’ closer Leo Nunez (28) is actually Juan Carlos Oviedo (29). Eric Augenbraun has nicely filled in the details. It is a sad situation, and one hopes that Oviedo (who probably just didn’t want people back home in the Dominican to know he was playing for the Pirates and Royals) manages to resolve things and gets back to playing in the majors again soon.

However, the truth has to come out, and our crack Investigative Reporting Investigation Team has unearthed many other major leaguers players and even executives are working under assumed names. Read on for The Truth, and don’t say you weren’t warned. Your world may never be the same.

Assumed Name: Real Name

Alex Gordon: Jim Halpert

Jason Bay: Alexei Ramirez

Scott Baker: Joe Randa

Brayan Pena: Ernie

Miguel Tejada: Not Royce Clayton

Alexei Ramirez: Jason Bay

Albert Pujols: Tim Duncan

Evan Longoria: Danny McBride

Dayton Moore: Ned Flanders

Mike Jacobs: Ken Harvey

Ron Gardenhire: Rod Beck

J. P. Ricciardi: Christopher Moltisanti

Joe Mauer: Pete Sampras

Carl Crawford: Terrence Long

Bruce Chen: Lefty Grove

Shocking, but all totally true. The Investigative Reporting Investigative Team is continuing its investigative investigation, and any tips you might have on other players working under assumed identities are welcome. Totally.

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Matt Klaassen reads and writes obituaries in the Greater Toronto Area. If you can't get enough of him, follow him on Twitter.

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No one knew he was playing for the Pirates, so good work on his part.

Brian Cartwright
Brian Cartwright

Oh I knew! We traded him for Benito Freakin’ Santiago, who was only 40 at the time of the trade. Needed some veteran presence.