Hunter Pence Literally Cannot Fathom Driving


After Giants right flailer Hunter Pence fell victim to the notorious scooter snatcher of San Francisco, he mentioned to reporters, “I can’t fathom driving for some reason.” The crack NotGraphs Investigative Team followed up and learned that, in fact, Pence suffers from a psychological condition that renders him literally unable to conceptualize the operation of a motor vehicle. The two-time All-Star’s difficulties do not apparently extend to other pieces of complex machinery, as he readily answered questions about steam engines, countertop blenders, personal computers, and the Large Hadron Collider. Experts, however, note that it remains debatable whether Pence can fathom the operation of his own person.

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Take heart, Hunter Pence. We would all struggle to measure the depth of motoring by means of a sounding line.

I myself once attempted to literally penetrate the battle of the sexes. That, that was a mistake.