Incontrovertable Proof Of Our Society’s Degradation and Debasement

Hunter

Reverend Pat Robertson, Senator and future presidential candidate Rand Paul, and former and future presidential candidate Rick Santorum have all pointed out that the progress of same sex marriage in this country will inevitably lead us down the slippery slope to people being able to marry their pets. “You mark my words,” said Robertson, “this is just the beginning in a long downward slide in relation to all the things that we consider to be abhorrent.”

Now here we have a picture of Torii Hunter kissing an alligator. Think about that. We are already to the point where a player who as recently as 2012 told reporters he would be “uncomfortable” having a gay teammate because “as a Christian…in all my teachings and my learning, biblically, it’s not right” has already succumbed to the hedonistic lifestyle of fornicating with reptiles. This stalwart defender of the faith has been corrupted, as has red-blooded American male dating Kate Upton Justin Verlander, who looks on, rock hard, with what appears to be great erotic excitement. It could even be a male alligator for all we know.

What hope do any of the rest of us have but to just give in and storm our local pet shops? I, for one, am going to buy a turtle. God help us all.



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Mike Bates co-founded The Platoon Advantage, and has written for many other baseball websites, including NotGraphs (rest in peace) and The Score. Currently, he writes for MLB Daily Dish on SB Nation. He currently cohosts the podcast This Week In Baseball History. His favorite word is paradigm. Follow him on Twitter @MikeBatesSBN.

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John Paschal
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John Paschal

What makes it worse is that he’s wearing Crocs.

Philanderer!

Tom Brady
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Tom Brady

Ugg!

YoYoMa
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YoYoMa

Hmm. Didn’t know that.