“KC At The Bat”

The outlook wasn’t brilliant for the KC twenty-five:
They’d barely made the playoffs, and then barely stayed alive.
Against the A’s they came back, then they came back yet again,
And maybe that game turned a team of youngsters into men.

We start with Mike Moustakas, who has never truly shined,
The way that they imagined back when he was first-round signed.
A hacker sent to Omaha with batting average lows,
Now Mike Moustakas hits home runs, each day his legend grows.

Or maybe Eric Hosmer is the one who we should praise,
Up to now he’s kept his owners in a multi-year malaise.
It’s one thing to have potential but one day you must produce,
So perhaps this year’s postseason is what finally sets him loose.

We could run right through the roster, Gordon, Cain, Aoki too,
And of course the crazy bullpen, simply doing what they do,
But in truth we can’t explain it, because this team hardly seemed,
Like a roster built for doing what the other teams all dreamed.

They’re about to run the table– well, at least they’re getting near,
Though their lineup still will never strike the other teams with fear.
But they’re winning– yes, they’re winning– and that’s really all that counts,
And it only makes it thrilling than they win by small amounts.

This could all just be a setup, for an epic, epic fall,
Lose tonight, then keep on losing, yes, they could just lose them all.
But that doesn’t really seem like where this all is heading fast,
When this season’s down to just one team, the Royals could be last.

Jason Vargas takes the baseball, just like Guthrie did before,
And though no one quakes with fear, that just makes this ride even more,
Of a fairy-tale-like ending to a mediocre year,
KC steps up to the plate, and just the heartless cannot cheer.

So I will root for Jason Vargas, much as I can’t understand,
And I’ll root for Mike Moustakas, though his bat is made of sand.
And I’ll even root for Ned Yost, though that’s very very tough,
And I’ll root for Jarrod Dyson, and I’ll hope he’s fast enough.

And I’ll root for ol’ Wade Davis, though I owned him when he stank,
And I’ll root for Billy Butler, though there’s nothing in the tank,
And I’ll root for Sal Perez, though he seems to be quite lost,
And I’ll root for building rosters at a very tiny cost.

And I’ll root for Big Game James, and I’ll root for Holland, too,
And I’ll root for all the rest of them adorned in Royal Blue,
And it’s making quite a story as the Royals are redeemed,
Though now perhaps the story’s better… if for the next four games, they’re creamed.



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Jeremy Blachman is the author of Anonymous Lawyer, a satirical novel that should make people who didn't go to law school feel good about their life choices. Read more at McSweeney's or elsewhere. He likes e-mail.

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Ok, sure! Keep throwing great, amazing posts like this at us as a constant reminder that NotGraphs awesomeness is about to end!

Bastard!