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Kool Keith on Robot Umps

We caught up with robot expert, rapper and part-time chicken enthusiast Kool Keith and picked his brain about the robot umpires that are surely on their way to baseball. What follows is a summary of his expertise on the subject, with commentary.

• Voicemail, pagers / These are the things that robots carry

Anything as arcane as pagers is possible in the backwaters of Major League Baseball, although why they would need to carry voicemail is an open question.

• I pull your wig off, you step back, you have a tantrum / I hold your rent money, contacts I hold for ransom

Well obviously they’d have to have wigs to look more human, but is it really going to create a better system if we withhold paychecks from poorly performing robot umps? Answer: yes.

• Volkswagen fog up, your dirty engine boo smog up / You hit the malls and, with chip phones, makin calls and / I’m audi 5, yeah

I’m not quite sure what you’re saying here Mr. Keith. Are the new robots going to be made from inferior or down-market components? That wouldn’t make much sense unless it was all about cutting costs…

• all you model robots / With mechanical legs, fake hips, implants / Little chips in your arms / Body movement, metal metallic, unpure.. robots

I suppose, to keep things gender-equal, they would need implants (and I’m assuming you mean breast, but sure it could be calf or bicep), but why are these new robots unpure? Does this go back to the cheap components? I was thinking more of a matte finish than metallic, or even a kind of human/fake skin thing. Like Blade Runner. But sure, for the models, sure, they’ll probably go metallic.