Line-Up For Today

With my sincere apologies to the wonderful Ogden Nash.

Line Up For Today:

A is for Alonso
That’s “Yonder Alonso” to you
Truth, truest, or true?

B is for Braun,
Whose pee was mishandle’,
Pissing off M.L.B.,
The stupidest scandal.

C is for Cespedes,
A slugger from overshore,
We don’t know how he’ll hit,
But he does love Star Wars.

D is for Dickey,
A favorite of many,
Who value climbing mountains,
Over striking out any.

E is for Ethier,
Whose slugging was down.
But I heard on the street,
That this year he will pound.

F is for Fangraphs,
“We’re all going dateless,”
‘cause I put every prospect,
On a weighted + ranked list.

G is for Giancarlo,
Who used to be Mike,
Don’t call him Mike,
His name isn’t Mike.

H is for Houston,
Go ahead, laugh.
I still have hope in my heart…
Mike Fast’s on our staff.

I is for Inge,
In danger of starting,
I, for one, heard,
he’s in danger of [removed by administrator]

J is for Jose,
Canseco wants to play,
He has a “hug for u,”
if you let him have his way.

K is for Kemp and also for Kershaw
Certainly two of the best that we know,
But worth 1 billion each?
Magic: The Gathering thinks so.

L is for Lee,
Carlos or Cliff?
One will strike you out,
El Caballo will whiff.

M is for Miami,
Their stadium is new,
There’s an aquarium behind the plate,
What’s next, a Rays zoo?

N is for Nyjer,
“Dionysus with Rabies,”
Also known as Tony Plush,
Impossible to hate-ys.

O is for Ottoneu,
A fantasy league for those,
who in other leagues,
are known as “those who knows”

P is for Posey,
We’re so glad you’re back!
But please don’t block the plate again,
Or Wendy Thurm will wear black.

Q is for Quentin,
Hit by tons of pitches.
One has to wonder,
is it all coincidences?

R is for Ramirezs,
Manny most of all.
I know that he’s not perfect,
But he loves baseball.

S is for Selig,
Mr. Commissioner, we’re through.
You moved the Astros to the AL.
Extortion? You bet you.

T is for Thornton
Is he the White Sox closer?
My home draft is tonight, so,
Let me know before it’s over.

U is for UZR,
A metric for defense,
I’ll try to explain it to you, dad,
But I doubt it will make sense.

V is for Vin Scully,
The best that we have known.
A man for who helps make baseball,
a better word for home.

W is for Wilson,
He’s funny, I guess.
But advice to him would have to be:
just give your shtick a rest

X is in aXford,
Who we hope never shaves.
But with stache or without,
He’ll get you some saves.

Y is for Yu,
And the 10,000 puns,
We’ll be enduring for years,
In exchange for no runs.

Z is for Ziegler,
Does your league count holds?
It’s annoying, right?
But this guy isn’t, he’s golds.

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Summer Anne Burton is a writer and illustrator living in Austin, Texas. She is drawing pictures of Every Hall of Famer.

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Ah Ogden Nash. The best baseball poet ever.