Mark DeRosa Surprised to Find Mark DeRosa Still in Majors

A new discovery has left Mark DeRosa scratching his head.

After sitting down to eat breakfast on Wednesday morning over the previous night’s edition of’s FastCast recap program, Toronto area resident Mark DeRosa was surprised to find not only that Mark DeRosa had produced a pair of key hits in the Blue Jays’ 3-2 extra-inning victory over the Baltimore Orioles the day before, but that Mark DeRosa still played baseball at any level at all, let alone the major-league one.

“I had to kinda do a double-take on that one,” said DeRosa, 38, of the revelation. “Probably like a lot of other people, I thought Mark DeRosa had retired a while ago. You’d always hear about what a good guy he was, so I figured he probably ended up in coaching somewhere, or something. But still playing? That was pretty unexpected.”

Informed that, in fact, Mark DeRosa had recorded over 200 plate appearances this season and more than 300 innings at second and third base combined, Mark DeRosa took a skeptical approach. “That’s a case, I think, where you can distort the numbers. Plate appearances, innings: sometimes it’s hard to know what all the new stats mean.”

Concluded Mark DeRosa: “Those figures just don’t pass the smell test regarding what I know about Mark DeRosa.”

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Carson Cistulli has published a book of aphorisms called Spirited Ejaculations of a New Enthusiast.

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