Most Mixable Player

As you may have gathered from my previous post, I had pretty well narrowed down my imaginary ballot for American League MVP to two players. I hadn’t seen either of them play much, but everyone kept talking about them, so I figured I couldn’t go wrong. Sure, the choices were kind of uninspiring. The one guy, from what I understand, just comes up with the bases loaded all the time, grounds into a zillion double plays and every so often drives dudes in by accident. The other guy, from what I understand, can’t do any normal things very well and is kind of miserable to watch, but for whatever reason the numbers add up to make him look like a freaking superhero. Still, I figured I’d have to suck it up and vote for one of the other. And because I am a reasonable man, I decided to base my vote on which one had the best highlights mix.

Unfortunately, their mixes sucked and I decided to go with Albert Pujols. I know he had a down year. But imagine visiting another planet where they know nothing about baseball, and you’re only allowed to bring one video to show them, and so you bring a video of your best player. Do you bring either of those ones up there? No. You bring this one, because this one is to those what Star Wars is to Bride Wars.

I also decided to give honorable mentions to these guys, because they may be terrible, but they prove that even terrible players deserve highlights mixes.

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I get sick and tired of all these video montages of MLBers doing nothing but great things. Me, I want to see lengthy set-to-music videos of MLB position players doing incredibly ordinary things like grounding out to short, popping out to second, and catching flyballs hit right to them. Why that would be even better than watching montages of them doing terrible things.