Oscar Azocar and a Very Slippery Slope

Observe the following Stadium Club card of former Yankees and Padres outfielder Oscar Azocar:

Click to embiggen, of course.

Azocar is seen here having what appears to be an intimate moment with his baseball bat. And that’s just fine. I’m sure Azocar and his bat have been through some very emotional times together… the good, the bad, you name it. But, it’s important to remember that bats are not truly able to consent. And we’ve seen what can happen when these relationships go too far.

Yes, I’m looking at you, Gloria Allred:

Remember, loving your bat is OK. Loving your bat physically is not.



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Jack Moore's work can be seen at VICE Sports and anywhere else you're willing to pay him to write. Buy his e-book.

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Resolution
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We are all quick to point out the damage incurred when fragile Maple bats break during play, but it’s about time we start examining the emotional damage these fragile bats may suffer as well.