Prospect Not Sheet

The Prospect Not Sheet is not a ranking of prospects. I don’t know what it is, but it is definitely not a ranking of prospects.

No. 1 / Taijuan Walker, RHP / Mariners

What he’s eating: Walker enjoyed three bowls of Special K this week, which gave him almost as many nutrients as a third of a bowl of Total.

Why he’s here: In December of 1991, Mr. and Mrs. Walker decided it had been far too long since the two of them had enjoyed… well, you can imagine the rest.

Last week: Walker, the youngest pitcher in the Southern League, finally had the training wheels removed from his bicycle.

No. 2 / Alex Meyer, RHP / Nationals

Why he’s sneezing: Pollen allergy.

What he’s wearing: His lucky underwear, unwashed since he was drafted in 2011.

Last week: Meyer threw six innings against the Lynchburg Hillcats, giving up one (unearned) run but failing to get a victory, as his Potomac Nationals lost 3-1. In two starts for the Nationals, he has given up just five hits over twelve innings. Oops, everything in this paragraph is actually true. The Not Sheet apologizes for forgetting its mission, mid-column.

No. 3 / Yordano Ventura / Royals

How he’s feeling: Shocked, after discovering he is actually the son of White Sox manager Robin Ventura, and the nephew of former Minnesota Governor Jesse Ventura.

What he’s watching: Political Animals, the new show on the USA network.

Last week: Ventura continued to strike out nearly a batter an inning, since his promotion to AA. Of course, like all other Royals pitching prospects, he is slated to undergo Tommy John Surgery in 2014, unless he becomes woefully and inexplicably terrible before then.

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Jeremy Blachman is the author of Anonymous Lawyer, a satirical novel that should make people who didn't go to law school feel good about their life choices. Read more at McSweeney's or elsewhere. He likes e-mail.

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Jack Marsh
Jack Marsh

*Yordano Ventura


*Jack The Ripper