Received: The Ballad of Darren Daulton

You may not have heard of poet Toby Tacoma. Until now.

The greatest ever is what they will say,
Leading the squad by your words and play.
Sweetest swing when it’s time for clutch,
Oh, Captain! My Captain! Where are you Dutch?

Catchin’ and dippin’ – righteous baseballin’
You caught that no-hitter from Terry Mulholland.
Silver Slugger in ’92,
To the Phanatics, no wrong could Dutch do.

Until it happened, bad knees, enemy to a catcher,
The Phils moved Dutch to right putting him out to pasture,
It was the end of the line with the Philly fans,
Nails went, too. He started crashing sedans.

That’s when it happened – as if by design,
The Marlins wanted Dutch, not yet time to resign,
Comeback Player of 1997,
A World Series, too! Dutch’s baseball heaven.

There it is, the career, a three time all-star,
Dutch now sits with Nails and Krukkie, out at the bar.

Thank you, NotGraphs reader Jesse, for sending this our way. You are a gentleman of the highest standing.

Image credit: The Out of the Park Baseball community. Also: Dalton’s hair was amazing.

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Navin Vaswani is a replacement-level writer. Follow him on Twitter.

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Metaphysics are real, you don’t understand.
He’s out of his body and far from this land.
In doubting the Mayans, and seeing 5 dimensions
Dutch has no use for your mortal pretensions.