Regretful Purchase, Stupid Bobblehead Edition

There is a saying that a fool and his money are soon parted. Whether that’s the case or not, it is true that anyone who possesses money will eventually spend some of it in a way that does not contribute to his/her overall well-being and fulfillment as a person. There are, of course, a nearly infinite set of degrees to which this can play out. I feel as though I fall on the upper 50% of that spectrum, but I am not without my occasional lapses in judgment. Behold this stupid bobblehead I bought on eBay recently:

The absurdity of this purchase is magnified by the fact that:

1. I don’t live in Oakland, nor have I ever considered myself a fan of the Oakland Athletics.

2. Scott Hatteberg, whose likeness is enshrined in said bobblehead, was never really that great of a baseball player.

3. I didn’t even see the game glorified by this little statue.

One would be right to ask, then, why I would make such a purchase. The following two facts are the biggest contributors:

1. I was drunk on Scotch whiskey.

2. The movie Moneyball was the only thing worth watching on my DVR.

This bobblehead was a fan giveaway at the Coliseum to celebrate the 10 year anniversary of Hatteberg’s homerun that won the final game in Oakland’s 20-game winning streak in 2002, the game at which I was not present, nor was watching on TV.

This purchase will not lead to me defaulting on my mortgage, nor will it lead to my inability to buy food in the near future. It is still a dumb purchase, however. It ranks with the copy of Fantasia I bought while high, and the electric piano that I never learned to play.

It will eventually move to the shelf holding the baseballs autographed by players for whom I actually give a crap, and who were actually good at baseball. It will be the outlier, much like the 2002 Oakland Athletics. Perhaps it will provide some element of poetry, or prove a reminder that great things can sometimes be done by men generally considered to be non-great.

It will always remain, however, a waste of God-damned money.

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David G. Temple is the Managing Editor of TechGraphs and a contributor to FanGraphs, NotGraphs and The Hardball Times. He hosts the award-eligible podcast Stealing Home. Dayn Perry once called him a “Bible Made of Lasers.” Follow him on Twitter @davidgtemple.

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Don’t worry David – if the regret becomes too unbearable I’m sure you can figure out a way to smoke this bobblehead – or at least have a great afternoon in the backyard playing God* with a magnifying glass.

*Studies show that personal feelings of divinity are routinely enhanced by scotch whiskey.