Shorter Baseball Columnists!

It’s time for another installment of “Shorter Baseball Columnists,” in which we read mainstream baseball columnists and marginalized bloggers like Murray Chass so you don’t have to! Let us begin!

Shorter Gerry Callahan: Erik Bedard hates the media. Ergo, he will destroy the Red Sox.

Shorter Steve Rosenbloom: Alex Rios is having a bad season, and that, obviously, is a personal attack on me.

Shorter Jim Souhan: The Twins should trade for someone like Donovan McNabb. Or they should trade away someone like Donovan McNabb. Something like that.

Shorter Murray Chass: The New York Post, which is a newspaper, recently practiced what I consider to be shoddy journalism, which is why I hate bloggers.

Shorter Bill Dwyre: I like Derek Jeter.

Shorter T.J. Simers: No one connects with today’s youth quite like Tommy Lasorda.

Shorter Joe Cowley: No one’s ever made a joke about how statheads live in their parents’ basements, right?

The “Shorter” approach to Internetty commentary traces back, as best as one can tell, to Daniel Davies.

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Handsome Dayn Perry can be found making love to the reader at's Eye on Baseball. He is available for all your Twitter needs.

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God bless you, Dayn, for reading these so we don’t have to. You’re a martyr.