The All-Ugly Baseball Team Two

Our All-Ugly team continues, on to the position players (who, by the way, would lose in an ugly battle with the pitchers and coaches). (What’s up with that?) (Any pitchers out there want to stand up for their kind?)

And lest any of you agree with my wife that this is all in poor taste, let me remind you that I a) included myself on the team and b) recognize that all of these men are real-life humans with real feelings and that this is all in good fun. Even Chase Utley has his bad days and all that.

Without further caveats, our All-Ugly lineup:

Baserunning Coach — Willie McGee

It’s like the ugly weighs so heavy on his conscience (or face) that he can barely keep his eyes open.

Catcher — Mike Napoli

Maybe it’s just the (dirty) particulars of this picture?

First Baseman — Placido Polanco

Is it the eyes that make the head look big? No. No. It’s the head that makes the head look big.

Second Baseman — Jamey Carroll

This is your typical Jamey Carroll picture. Also: frightening.

Shortstop — Jhonny Peralta

I think, if this was the first time you ever saw Jhonny Peralta, you would think Jhonny Peralta was much bigger than Jhonny Peralta is.

Third Baseman — Jorge Cantu

This is not just about acne, I promise.

Outfield — Shelley Duncan

Sloth in his worst pictures, Officer Tackleberry in his best, Mr. Duncan looks better when he doesn’t smile, which is a problem that many of us have.

Outfield — Jay Gibbons

Almost perfectly imperfect.

Outfield — Corey Hart

He may wear sunglasses at night and have a helmet full of hair, but we all know which Corey Hart would win in a beauty contest.

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With a phone full of pictures of pitchers' fingers, strange beers, and his two toddler sons, Eno Sarris can be found at the ballpark or a brewery most days. Read him here, writing about the A's or Giants at The Athletic, or about beer at October. Follow him on Twitter @enosarris if you can handle the sandwiches and inanity.

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hey! wait a minute…I’m pretty sure that’s a nipple in the napoli picture, since when does notgraph deal in pornography?


You don’t want those nipples, trust me.


Dewey, you don’t want no part of this shhhh-it!


It’s either a nipple or a pancake. We can’t be sure.


Clearly, Napoli likes silicone.