The Brewers’ Collapse is Mike Fiers’ Fault

All you need to know is that since Mike Fiers joined the rotation on August 9th, the team is 10-19. That’s really all you need to know. Before he joined the rotation, the team was 64-52 and in first place. Now they are 74-71 and have a 20% chance of making the playoffs. Clearly, that is all you need to know. Nothing else could possibly be to blame, and despite his performance, the statistics speak for themselves. Only the team win-loss statistics. No other statistic is even worth taking a look at. Because it all comes down to wins and losses. Not the wins and losses in the games he pitches, so please don’t look at those numbers, those numbers are irrelevant. Team wins and losses since he was called up. That’s how we should judge him. And those numbers are terrible. So it is all his fault.

They should trade him to a team I like better.

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Jeremy Blachman is the author of Anonymous Lawyer, a satirical novel that should make people who didn't go to law school feel good about their life choices. Read more at McSweeney's or elsewhere. He likes e-mail.

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This is the actual logic used by the Kansas City Royals local broadcast team.