Things Kyle Blanks Is Standing in Front Of

One will often hear comments about the degree to which a camera can distort the objects of its gaze — this is what people mean, for example, when they say the camera “adds 10 pounds.”

In no case is this more clear than in the case of the above screenshot — taken from last night’s contest between San Diego and San Francisco. In said image, Padre outfielder/first baseman Kyle Blanks, facing Giant right-hander Matt Cain, looks, for all intents and purposes, like a normal-sized person.

In fact, Blanks is not a normal-sized person. That he appears to be one is clearly a trick of perspective.

To get a sense of what I mean, consider all the things that are directly behind, but totally obscured, by Blanks:

• All known works by Italian painter Tintoretto.
• Like seven or eight Arbyses, probably.
• The Golden Gate Bridge.
• A sexy cheerleading squad.
• Dayn Perry’s ego.

While not technically a mathematical proof, this is the sort of thing after which one generally says something like “Q.E.D.” Which, consider that my final thought on the matter.



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Carson Cistulli has published a book of aphorisms called Spirited Ejaculations of a New Enthusiast.

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scout1222
Guest
scout1222

Blanks is a tall glass of water, that’s for sure.

AA
Guest
AA

A tall drink of water generally refers to someone tall and skinny. Blanks is anything but skinny

scout1222
Guest
scout1222

Err, I drink a lot of water?

(I still like that turn of phrase.)