Today’s Starters, in Counterfactuals

If Tim Lincecum were a Paramount film he’d have been pulled from their release schedule for “reshoots” by now.

If C.C. Sabathia were a comic book hero, he’d be “The Shadow.”

If Adam Wainwright were in Little League, he might run out to the field and kick 4-5 teammates in the shins.

If Max Scherzer were to hit Ian Kinsler with a pitch, is that considered a hate crime?



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Mr. Observant
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Mr. Observant

Doesn’t Scherzer have the perfect face to play some Schutzstaffel Obergruppenführer seeing action in Latvia or some wasteland of the East during the War? This has only solidified my firm belief that the Tigers are agents of the Fourth Reich, getting orders from the Nazi moon base. Now, I’ll take a pause to adjust my tinfoil underwear and self-administer my bath salts.

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