Provocative Cincinnati Reds prospect Tony Cingrani will make his first Major League start on Thursday, and the pant-groins of stat nerds everywhere are dampening.
This past Sunday, on the way to see 42, my incongruously attractive significant other (AKA NotGraphs commenter GoldenJerseySparklePants) and I were discussing the significance of such a debut as Cingrani’s. At one point I muttered, “…Cingrani’s been dominant…” to which she responded, “What’s Venn-Dominant?”
I had started to correct the miscommunication when we simultaneously realized: Tony Cingrani is Venn-Dominant. Like Doc Brown with the Flux Capacitor, an image immediately popped into my head:
You see, Tony Cingrani is so dominant in the categories of Strikeouts, Prospect Swagger, and Italian Name Sounds that they orbit around him, move through him. In him, they have melded into a perfect being. Does this sound contradictory? It’s a teleological matter, probably: are the presence of strikeouts, prospect swagger, and Italian names the cause of Tony Cingrani? Did the molecules align just so? Was he designed by a god, a first mover? Or perhaps the Essence of Tony Cingrani always was, and is just now taking a bodily form. I haven’t the fineness of mind to distill this all…
Then, as I do with everything that I want to look much, much better than it is (even when that someone or something is great to beging with), I compared Tony Cingrani to Carson Cistulli: