You, Too, Can Break Japan’s HR Record

Wladimir Balentien has obliterated a league-record 57 pitches in Japan. That looks like this:

And ultimately this:

But the task isn’t so hard! Our team of NotGraphs scientists have determined a two-step process in repeating his success!

Step 1: Change your name.
Step 2: Study this film until you become a hitting demigod:

Pertinent notes about his swing:
• It is very slow.
• He taps his toe a bit.
• He waggles the bat just a wee bit, but his body is otherwise almost motionless.
• He also runs incredibly slow. Almost Mel-Gibson-towards-a-camera slow.

ADDITIONALLY: I defy you to watch this video of his record-tying 55th homer and then afterwards say to me, “Japan is a perfectly normal place. It is perfectly normal to hand a bouquet of flowers to the hitter at home plate. It’s not weird at all to have the mascot wait around for a hug in front of the dugout. A whole section of fans dancing with an umbrella in some sort of oblique allusion to Totoro? That’s as normal as apple pie is American.”

Watch these videos now before the Internet takes them away!

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Bradley writes for FanGraphs and The Hardball Times. Follow him on Twitter @BradleyWoodrum.

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Mr. Observant
Mr. Observant

Holy Wild Wasabe! I’m studying these hot internet videos until my eyes look like those of a character in some bizarre anime motion picture about tentacles and a lady sorceress riding in some giant transforming airplane. I’ll break the record or my name’s not Jajacjoelton Schweezeeyens!