Axes and Other Bat Handle Designs

Courtesy of Baseball Think Factory, a recent article in Wired unveils the Axe Bat, a baseball bat with the handle of an axe, which, based on a study by an engineering professor who lucked into a job where he gets to do research on baseball bats:

is more comfortable, delivers more power and speed, and reduces injuries when compared with traditional bats

The article is pretty interesting, and I recommend you all check out the Axe Bat, but I thought it would be more fun to speculate about other revolutionary new mash-up bat designs coming to a stadium near you:

1. The Com-Bat, a bat that’s also a weapon of war. Head of a bat, handle of a grenade. Good idea for military baseball games.

2. The Rub-bat, a bat with a rubber handle. Super comfortable to hold, although it limits bat control to some extent. Fun to bunt, since the ball bounces right off the thing. Hard to get a lot of power in the swing, though, since the head just starts flopping around. Ben Revere uses this, I think.

3. The WomBat (I), a combination wombat and baseball bat. Very cuddly.

4. The WomBat (II), a combination woman and baseball bat. Head of a bat and the legs of a woman. Not really sure what this offers a ballplayer, but maybe it’s a good novelty gift.

5. The Bat Bat, a baseball bat with the wings and teeth of a bat. Keeps the catcher far away, since he’s worried about rabies, allowing for free passage for runners on the basepaths and lots of dropped third strikes.

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Jeremy Blachman is the author of Anonymous Lawyer, a satirical novel that should make people who didn't go to law school feel good about their life choices. Read more at McSweeney's or elsewhere. He likes e-mail.

19 Responses to “Axes and Other Bat Handle Designs”

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  1. Seriously. #KeepNotGraphs says:

    Don’t forget the Axe Handel Bat, in which a portion of all proceeds go to eliminating the baroque style music of British composer George Frideric Handel from modern society.

    Also, just so I gets some up-votes, #KeepNotGraphs.

    +13 Vote -1 Vote +1

  2. tz says:

    The Acro-Bat. Does flips on its own.

    +41 Vote -1 Vote +1

  3. Don Von Handburger says:

    How about a bat with a shoehorn for a handle. Those cleats can be tough!

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  4. YABooble says:

    The DingBat, an aluminum bat once used by Edith Bunker.

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  5. Damaso's Burnt Shirt says:

    The Kenny Loggins Bat (with a handle looking like a Sidewinder missile) because pitches end up in the Danger Zone. Part of the Kenny Loggins collection.

    Also included are the “Footloose” Cleats.

    The Less popular is the “Playing with the Boys” Cup.

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  6. APer930 says:

    The DingBat, also known as college baseball bats… DING!

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  7. Hanson says:

    How about the MMMM-Bat?

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    • stuck in a slump says:

      Emits a terrible noise that causes the umpire to recoil with memories of his daughters listening to terrible teany bopper music, increasing the ratio of BB:K.

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  8. Russ says:

    This post desperately needs prototype photos.

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  9. Jack Glasscock's Cup says:

    The Whistler: Comes with a hole in the barrel to decrease wind resistance and increase bat speed.

    –endorsed by BJ Upton.

    Vote -1 Vote +1

  10. Steven says:

    The shab-bat. It’s blessed by a rabbi.


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  11. BIG DAVE says:

    The @Bat, which is just a novelty email address

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  12. scatterbrian says:

    The Joey Bat: requires a break-in period of roughly 2,000 PAs.

    +7 Vote -1 Vote +1

  13. P Hound says:

    Th Puig Bat: slick handle for easy disengagement on bat flips.

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