Excerpts from Max Scherzer’s The Art of Pitching

Scherzer Stars
Max Scherzer is what is commonly referred to as a “human constellation.”

Tigers right-hander and noted avant-garde sportsman Max Scherzer has probably written — and certainly has never denied writing — a book called The Art of Pitching.

What follows is likely an excerpt — and isn’t necessarily not an excerpt — from that same book.


3. For the pitcher, success is the residue of beauty. The former proceeds from the latter, only.

26. It is easier to see a faint star out of the corner of one’s eye — as opposed to looking at it directly, that is. In this way, and perhaps others, a batter’s weakness is like a faint star.

33. Coaches and sportswriters talk about preventing runs. The pitcher, meanwhile, cares little for prevention — smallminded and petty business, that — but rather for creation. On the mound, the pitcher is an artist. Like an artist, he attempts to concentrate the radiance of the world on one point. Every pitch must be thrown with the intention of invoking that radiance.

59. A single work of art is beautiful insofar as it suggests the presence of universal grace. Likewise, every pitch must suggest the presence of every other pitch.

147. Beauty appears at the confluence of the necessary and unnecessary. One needs to throw a pitch. It’s what a pitcher needn’t do, but does anyway, that will distinguish him from his peers and overwhelm his opponents.

213. It’s possible to die from too much beauty and too little beauty. Only the former can resurrect, as well.

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Carson Cistulli has just published a book of aphorisms called Spirited Ejaculations of a New Enthusiast.

12 Responses to “Excerpts from Max Scherzer’s The Art of Pitching”

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  1. Hitler But Sadder says:

    Musing 213 speaks directly to my ugly mother

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  2. Bluebird in Boulder says:

    Which coloured eye can see the faint star best?

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  3. CAT says:


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  4. l1ay says:

    Scherzer is to pitching as Barca is to futbol.

    Not only must you dominate, but you must dominate with beauty.

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  5. TheMooseOfDeath says:

    Judging by his eyes, Max Scherzer is successful not because of his pitching ability, but because he is the David Bowie of baseball.

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    • TheMooseOfDeath says:

      Also, I can’t wait until the day influences of German techno become apparent in his pitching.

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  6. Georgias Clooney says:

    A strikeout is better than a walk.
    Running is better than walking.
    Therefore, giving up walks is worse than giving up runs.

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  7. AlexandertheMeh says:

    Actually surprised Cistulli could focus on writing an article today. I assumed his beautiful mind would be filled with visions of Fernandez v Cingrani. Pulse elevated. The sweaty palms of anticipation making each keystroke harder and harder to land. Blankly staring at the MLB.tv pop-out reading “This Game Will Begin Shortly”. It will Carson, indeed, it will.

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  8. jcxy says:

    where is the cingrani inaugural gif!?!

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  9. John says:

    Over/Under 3.1 innings before Carson died of ecstasy watching Cingrani/Fernandez?

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  10. Ben Hall says:

    The Art of Fielding is an excellent book. Nice reference, Carson.

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  11. Aharon says:

    This captures the arty inanity of The Art of Fielding. Though really, the article should have been all about Scherzer at the beginning but then had him fade away into nothingness in the final third.

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