True Facts: Nate Silver’s Next Five Projects

With the rousing success of his projection methodology in a second straight presidential election, proprietor of the internet’s Five Thirty Eight and former baseball-projection savant Nate Silver has captured the attention of Americans everywhere. The NotGraphs Investigative Reporting Investigation Team has learned just this morning, however, that Silver will turn his attention away from politics for the moment and attempt to use his skills to reflect upon some other, perhaps more obscure, questions and concerns.

Questions and concerns such as these five:

Who’s Coming to Dinner
Stanley Kramer’s 1967 drama asked the question. Over 40 years later, Silver will endeavor to answer it.

Your Wife: When She’s Divorcing You
Your wife is definitely going to leave you for someone either wealthier or more attractive or both. When precisely is what’s uncertain… for now.

Life: More Miserable or Horrible?
Woody Allen, playing totally against type as neurotic and Brooklyn-born Jewish comedian Alvy Singer, states in his film Annie Hall that “life is divided into the horrible and the miserable.” Is it really decided exactly in half, though? “Probably not,” Silver posits.

Pam and Jim’s First Kiss on TV’s The Office
We all know that Pam and Jim’s first kiss on the American version of The Office came at the end of that program’s second season. What Silver intends to do is go back to before the show’s first episode and project when it’ll happen. What he also intends to do is build a time machine, we can also report.

Haters, Proving Them Wrong
“I project that I just did that shit.”




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Carson Cistulli occasionally publishes spirited ejaculations at The New Enthusiast.


8 Responses to “True Facts: Nate Silver’s Next Five Projects”

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  1. kiss my Go Nats says:

    Ok I found this funny!

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  2. Birdlander says:

    Onion-esque

    The highest of compliments.

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  3. Well-Beered Englishman says:

    I’d like to know if George-Michael and Maeby finally get together.

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    • Jason and the Ergonomic Chair says:

      This we might actually soon find out, but we might also find out that time has ruined the abilities of creative esprit of Mitch Hurwitz, and thus be forced contemplate the ruin of not only our superficial, outward abilities, but of the very thing which we call our selves; not being ourselves anymore, we will not realize that we’ve been compromised in such a fashion, and will passionately devote oneself to the study of the shepherd’s pie that has just been placed in front of us.

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    • jcxy says:

      probably, but it’ll be artlessly revealed to American audiences that she’s not really related to him.

      in france, they’ll edit that part out. i like the way they think…

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    • colin says:

      ….maybe…

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  4. PosterNutbag44 says:

    Haters, Proving Them Wrong
    “I project that I just did that shit.”

    Fantastic!

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  5. Smooth says:

    Nerds: always right, and yet never taken seriously. Why is that?

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